Monday, January 30, 2006

10 Items or LESS!!


OK! So i was at walmart on Saturday trying to buy a DVD and some pepcid complete. 2 Items is all i had. So i am of course looking for the shortest line, which at walmart is pretty much a lost cause. Gary and I went to the 10 items or less line and looked at the people in line before us. They had like 85 items in thier carts and were in the 10 items or less line because its the only lane that sells smokes. WHAT CRAP! So we proceeded to wait like an hour for all these people to put thier 85 items on the small table belt (it is clearly only big enough for 10). The longer i stood there the madder i got. First off i was mad at the people who obviously could care less that the 3 people behind them had under 10 items and could have been out of the chaotic walmart in minutes, not hours, had they obeyed the sign. Then i started to get mad at the check out girl who didnt have the balls to tell them they could only have 10 items. Then i got mad at Walmart for the piss poor set up they have where the only lane that sells cigarettes is the freakin 10 ITEMS OR LESS lane! Do they think that people who smoke only buy 10 items or less when they go to walmart? I mean, cigs are expensive but obviously they need other necessities like TP and hotdogs. So as the minutes passed my blood pressure went up and my face turned red. I found myself counting the items in people's carts and wondering if i would make it out of walmart alive. Gary noticed i was getting a little out of control and told me to go and sit on the bench by the register which was unoccupied. I walked over to the bench, still counting the dang items in people's carts and feeling increasingly worse anxiety. This whole experience reminds me of other things i hate about walmart. For example: If a fat and pissed off pregnant girl is walking down the isle and you are hogging the whole thing with your cart then MOVE THE F@#$ out of the way! You seriously think i can fit between your cart and the millions of salsa bottles? HeLLO! Another example is the whole cart problem. The cart returns in the parking lot are in the middle of the lanes, there are none at the front of the parking lot at all. This set up brings out the laziness in people. I cant even tell you how many times i have come out of wal mart to find my bright yellow car SURROUNDED by 30+ carts. Once i was walking up to my car and a guy walked up behind me and pushed his cart directly behind my trunk, then walked away. AGAIN - how stupid are people? Or should i ask, WHAT IS THE AVERAGE IQ OF PEOPLE THAT SHOP AT WALMART?! I am clearly not in the condition to move all 30 carts from around my car just because people suck. If i were driving a beater i would just drive through them. Gary's number one complaint at walmart is when people drive down the parking lanes the wrong direction. If this happens upon our arrival to walmart I know that the rest of the trip is going to blow. If the arrow is pointing at you, DONT DRIVE DOWN THE ROW! There is only room for one car and when you look at me like its my fault you cant fit by i want to throw you the one finger salute and take a bat to your windshield. Walmart is supposed to be convenient and less stressful because they have everything you need in one trip, my opinion is that Walmart forces people to either slit their wrists or (sooner than later) admit themselves to the psych ward.

Thursday, January 26, 2006



This is me and Gary, I will leave a post later! I look like a total fattie with the shelb hanging out in my belly ;)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

whats in a Nick Name??

Today I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and tired. I think i got maybe 2 hours of good sleep last night no thanks to the shelby kicking me and wiggling around for most of the night. I can tell that she is getting a bit squished in there and is attempting to make some room for her ever growing self. Its the strangest feeling in the world to have a living thing moving around in your stomach and not know what it looks like or which way it is facing. Gary finally got to feel her kicking last night for the first time! I think he was excited about it but he doesnt show much emotion. So any way, some people might think that what i just wrote about was boring so I will move on. Last night i got in trouble for not typing anything in my blog about my sister Lyndee who just happens to live at my house. As i was starting to create this blog i found myself mad at the kid because she has like 4 cool nicknames and i have...NONE. She goes by the names: Cheese, Pansy, Dizzle and Quail. I am not going to explain all of those but they have significant meaning. I feel like a lost soul since i have no nickname, my family calls me plain old "jack" and it just doesnt suffice. I have already made nicknames for the unborn child in my tummy such as: the shelb, shelbster, bean and beeb. I have to say that I am glad that i dont have a totally stupid nickname like "buddy" or "sweet toots". I guess i shouldnt complain about not having a nick name, maybe i am having an identity crisis, babies make your brain do strange things you know ;) I do have nicknames for all of my dogs (i will post thier pic soon). My white doggie is "Kobe J Buggie", black dog is "Yogi J Bearsy", Springer spaniel is "Harley J McDavidson" and the shitzu is "Peach Squog Hodgie". I have also assigned names to various people at work and refer to them as thier nick name so that they dont know i am talking about them. My only question is: Are they making up names for me too? and what are they? I'd be interested to know, or on second thought maybe not ;)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Welcome one and all!

Why hello there! I am new to the whole blogging thing but my brother is Lifeonapl8 so i have a little help. I suppose that i am starting to blog in an attempt to release some pent up feelings and make a few people laugh along the way. I am expecting a baby in March and so thought it would be interesting to see how pissed off i get in the next 6 weeks about how uncomfortable and sucky being pregnant really is. I will try to avoid obscenities but i make no promises. I also have a very stressful job and may at times refer to the drama that takes place in my office repeatedly throughout the day. So to begin my journey into blog land i tell you this: dont ever make a pregnant girl mad, you may 1) die 2) want to die 3) start sucking your thumb again like you did when you were 1 because i scare you so bad!

Well, this is a short post but i will return. Today is just a small piece of the puzzle that i call life, or whatever. ;)